


We Still Have A Lot To Learn

by ProngsAndPens



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:09:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6042730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProngsAndPens/pseuds/ProngsAndPens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla Karnstein, broody student and passionate musician following reluctantly the footsteps of her genius mother, finally finds some real studying motivation after meeting young TA Lola Perry. But in those two very different worlds, is there a place for them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Still Have A Lot To Learn

**Author's Note:**

> Possible trigger warning : hints at a car accident followed by a panic attack.
> 
> This was written as a one-shot writing prompt, enjoy!

\- "And lastly, Mrs Karnstien."

Carmilla was taken out of her daydreaming by her teacher's voice. He landed a paper on her desk, and leaned towards her.

\- "Needless to say, I was expecting more from you."

Carmilla didn't bother to answer, simply looking down at the red in-ridden paper she just got. 'Shit." was all she could think. So much for a passing grade. She carelessly shoved the paper in her bag and tried to think back on whatever was on her mind before she was interrupted, but was again distracted by a knock on the door. The teacher said 'come in', and the door opened.  
\- "Professor Armitage?" asked a timid voice.  
\- "That's me. You must be the new assistant. Please, come in! Class, this is Lola Perry, she majored in scientific studies, like you will, and is going to be working with me for the rest of the year. If you've got questions, you may contact her. Now, let's get back to where we were..."

Carmilla studied the woman who walked inside the room. Long, curly, bright red hair, a concerned frown etched on her face coupled with attentive eyes, slightly taller than her, and very proper on her behaviour. She seemed nice. Carmilla watched her exchange a couple words with the teacher before staying quietly behind him while he finished the class.

As the hour came to an end, professor Armitage added : 'and for the people who failed the test, a special session with Mrs Perry here will be requested. She will contact the concerned students to fix a date and time. Have a good rest of the day!" This was the only thing Carmilla, luckily, paid attention to, and she found herself in another complicated situation. Usually, special sessions took place on the afternoon or evening, and unfortunately those were the times when she practised with her band. Hard to reschedule. The weekend was impossible too : she had found a job that would get her started on her future life, when she's out of college. She gathered her things and waited until everyone else had left, taking some papers the TA was handing at the door, before approaching the woman.

\- "Erm... Hi. Mrs Perry, right?"  
\- "Hi, yes, but you can call me Lola. Or just Perry. Is there anything you need?" Carmilla fumbled.  
\- "I'm, er, I'm Carmilla Karnstien..." she was cut short.  
\- "You're the daughter of the famous doctor Karnstein? Oh my, it's an honour! I bet you're as gifted as your mother!" Carmilla froze. Not again...

Carmilla was not the worst student. She inherited good learning capacities from her mother, and had grown up in her mother's studies, sometimes traveling between her projects. The great doctor Karnstein and her daughter Carmilla, her only child, bearing everyone's hopes of being her mother's great successor. She wasn't completely bad. But mainly, she also was, in a way, stuck in a loop she may not have loved. She did alright in all her past years, not as well as her mother but still, she could be her assistant. But there was always that realisation that everything this degree will mean for her is to be in her mother's shadow. And this class... She couldn't make sense of what the teacher had been telling them for the last months. And her grades were dropping. Which was bad news.

She had always had a passion for music. She learned to play the piano and the guitar through video tutorials late at night. She learned to read music sheets the same way. When she wasn't in class (and sometimes even when she was) she would whip out her iPod and play some tunes. That's how she got in a band.  
Her mother didn't know, she thought it was a study group. And it was. They just happened to all be musicians and have their instruments out about half the time they were working together. It was Carmilla's oxygen, the one way she could be a hundred percent different from her renowned mother. Her thought process was, again, interrupted by a voice.

\- "Are you alright? You look as if something was bothering you..." It was the TA. She seemed even more concerned than when she was standing in front of the classroom.  
\- "Er... Yeah, I'm okay." She answered simply, her tone colder than she would have wanted it to be. Ah, whatever. It's not like you could make friends with a TA.  
\- "Could it be something I said?" Lola Perry asked, unsure of the reason why the girl in front of her had had such a quick change of attitude.  
\- "I'm... No gifted student. Not in this class, and not anywhere. I'm not my mother, which is something people, teachers especially, seem to have a problem coming to terms with."  
\- "Oh. I'm sorry."  
\- "What?" Carmilla wasn't used to people apologising to her.  
\- "My best friend went through these studies, they're not older than myself, but they're a genius and skipped a few grades. I know what it's like to feel like you must be the same as someone who did better. I'm sorry I assumed you were your mother, it wasn't nice of me." Carmilla couldn't believe what just happened. How could it have been that easy? She couldn't find the words to sum up everything she wanted to say. Express her relief as well as how thankful she was. She also wanted to continue rambling on how she didn't want to be her mother and the like, but kept herself from it. She just stood there, her mouth slightly gaping, her eyes set on the redhead on front of her. Lola's face relaxed into a genuine smile, without her usual frown.

\- "You're welcome. Now, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"  
\- "Erm... I failed the test."  
\- "Oh, I haven't decided of the date yet, but I'll make sure to tell you."  
\- "Well, there's a problem with that... But you have to promise to keep what I'm about to tell you a secret." The TA paused, then shook her head.  
\- "Of course. Cross my heart."  
\- "I'm a musician. I play in a small band. Week evenings is when we study and practise. And on the week-end I work. I mean, sure, my mother pays for my studies, but it's not like I want to live at home forever."  
\- "I see. Well, I'm going to do you a favour. The study time with your band will be, for you, a session with me, and then when we're done you go and practice music. I'll leave you to it. But I do all that on two conditions." Carmilla stiffened. She didn't like conditions.  
\- "Which are...?"  
\- "One : you can't stop coming to these sessions until you've completely understood all there is to understand for you to finish this year. I'm going to push you a lot and boss you around, and you won't be allowed to leave the session until I say so. Band or no band. And two, I love classical music and I want you to play something for me, as retribution." The dark-haired girl relaxed. Those were terms she could work with.  
\- "Alright." The shook on it, and Carmilla started leaving. A 'And where do you think you're going?" stopped her before she could make three steps.  
\- "Well, out. Band, remember? Usually we study for about an hour and a half before playing.."  
\- "Remind me what my terms were? Take a seat, Carmilla. We have about an hour and a half, at least. According to the progress we make." Damn. Direct start then. Carmilla could barely muster a grin. She whipped out her phone and sent a 'Can only come to the music session. Will explain." before sitting down and taking the test she failed out of her bag. Perry sat in front of Carmilla and took a look at it, abstaining from any type of commentary. In a way, Carmilla was thankful for that. No 'Well, this doesn't seem correct in any way' or 'at least you tried. Just silent reading. When she was done, she laid the test back down on the desk.

\- "Alright. I sort of see what needs to be done. Your reasoning is clever, really Carmilla. All you need is a little help understanding this particular point. Do you have any other problems in class?"  
\- "Aside from focusing in class, I don't think. My other tests are home, I'll get them to you if you want."  
\- "Good. Then let's simply get on with this one for now. See this mistake here? I used to always do the exact same one. But then I found a trick to avoid it..."

~~~~~~~~~~

An hour and twenty minutes later, Perry and Carmilla had made good progress, and covered a nice amount of the bases. Carmilla had a new number in her phone contacts, and went to the music session in a way better mood than she was ever thinking about having, after that fiasco test.

~~~~~~~~~~

The sessions continued, and Carmilla's grades went up. She never really enjoyed having the teachers tell her that 'Now this is a grade worthy of your name!", but whenever she showed them to Perry, there was no 'Karnstein' name to mention, and the pride in the eyes of the ginger was enough for the dark-haired guitar player.

One day, Perry didn't come. Carmilla had been waiting in the classroom for ten minutes, getting slightly worried, when her phone rang. It was her. She picked up immediately.

\- "Perry? Where are you?" The voice was worrisome. Perry, at the other end, sounded shaken.  
\- "Erm, hi, Carmilla, I'm... I'm at the hospital. There was a car accident. But I'm alright! Mostly shaken." Perry added, after hearing a gasp.  
\- "Which hospital?  
\- St Mary's." It was close.  
\- "I'll be right there.  
\- I really don't think I'll be able to do the session today, Carmilla. But I'm glad you're eager to pass." Carmilla had to start pacing around and take a second so she wouldn't shout through the receiver?  
\- "I couldn't care less about studying right now. You were in danger. You're probably hurt. I gotta make sure you're alright!  
\- Why? I'm just your TA, it's not like we're friends, Carmilla." The answer was simple, and, in a way, right. But it hit Camilla like a truck. She felt like all the air had been drawn from her lungs. She didn't answer. How do you answer to that?

She threw her phone at the wall. Luckily it was an old phone, neither her mother nor her thought the expense of a smartphone was necessary. She had a computer, and while her mother believed such an expense would be deprecatory for her studies, Carmilla just didn't really care, and didn't want to spend her hard-earned money. All of it went to a secret account her mother didn't know about. Saved for later. The practical thing with a non-smartphone is mainly that when it fell, even from a high place, all Carmilla had to do it piece it back together. Though she felt like there was something more that was broken, something that she would have a harder time picking up the pieces of so it could work again.

At the other end of the line, Perry heard Carmilla's slight grunt and the phone crashing. She didn't understand. Carmilla seemed concerned and then angry. She wasn't used to people being angry. Then some pains in her side brought her attention back to reality.

~~~~~~~~~~

It took Perry some time to be okay again. And when she started coming back to the university, Carmilla never came back to the sessions. Perry texted her and tried calling. She even attempted to catch her while she was leaving the class, but it seemed Carmilla had lost her habit of being the last one to leave. She was in the middle of the flow of people, and Perry wasn't Moses. At least her grades were alright. They even got better. Carmilla was first in class. Whatever was going on, tough lecture or test, she was either looking at the teacher, her notebook, or her computer, with her jaw locked and a determined look in her eyes. Perry even seemed to discern some anger, there.

A couple months went by. The year was nearing its end, and Carmilla was more than certain to pass. She was first in her class, and kept to herself, Perry even found out that she left her music group, and that her grades were even better than her mother's. Carmilla was a sensation. She was spoken about in journals. 'The student beats the master'. Perry tried to reason with herself. She should be so happy for her, but instead she was feeling overwhelmingly sad.

Then one day, as she had a collective session with younger students, someone walked up to her.  
\- "Mrs Lola Perry?" she didn't really pay attention, absentmindedly answering a 'Yes?" while grading papers.  
\- "I'm Will. This is Mattie, Kirsch, Danny, and Laura." Perry looked up. A dark-haired boy was in front of her, with behind him a dark-skinned friendly-looking woman, a rather tall and slightly lost but happy looking boy, a just as tall red-haired girl with a determined lock on her jaw, and a small brown-haired girl looking at her with a sunny smile.  
\- "What do you want?" sighed Perry. She had a lot of work to do and wasn't in the mood for a chat.  
\- "To talk to you about Carmilla." Perry froze. It's not like her name was uncommon, it was talked about all the time in the teacher's lounge, but most of them called her 'the Karnstein girl' or 'Dr Karnstein's child/daughter', things of the like. She could swear most of them didn't even know her first name. Hearing it out of the mouth of someone a little bit younger than her, as if they knew her when Carmilla wasn't someone to talk to anyone, was surprising. She looked at the boy more attentively.

\- "She probably didn't tell you much about us, and I know we make quite the motley crew, but we're her music group. Or I should say were her group. Kirsch is a bassist, Danny plays the drums, Mattie sings, Laura is on the keyboard, I usually DJ, and when I don't I'm at the guitar with Carmilla, who writes our songs and sings them as well. See, we never though we'd got along, we were meant to be a study group, but there we were and we ended up bonding a lot over music. We play a lot of different styles, like pop, rock, you name it. Even country sometimes!" He added with a laugh, that expanded to the whole group for some seconds. Even Perry smiled as she pictured her dark-haired ex-student rocking out to a banjo tune. The girl named Mattie then walked up to the desk. She had a warm and asserted voice, the kind of voice that makes you unable to doubt that every word had been weighted and perfectly chosen, so the speaker sounded undoubtedly certain and, therefore, convinced her listener.  
\- "You see, at first, when she stopped coming to our sessions, we were slightly worried. Then she told us about you and we were relieved. You had such a good influence on her, she was getting more lively, we saw that through her songs and her music, the way she'd sigh before playing something on the piano, or smile through a chorus. Her grades went up, she got a raise in pay, everything was looking up for her. She was studying for something else than the pressure of her mother, and working for more than getting out of here with a small money cushion to support herself. Then he stopped coming to the music, and we couldn't get hold of her at all. We thought she'd be back soon, she could have had an important test, but she never did come back."  
\- "Then one day I receive a text. Me, out of all people." It was the tall redhead. 'Carmilla and I got off a rough start. She and a girl named Ell were together, and I had a big crush on Ell, too. Turned out, Ell just wanted her for the fame her name had. She used Carmilla, and I made sure Carmilla found out. They broke up, and when Ell tried to use me as a rebound I knew who she really was, and refused. In short, I received Carmilla's text about a month ago, and it said that she wouldn't come back to the group. Like, ever. '  
\- And like, we weren't the best pals but my bro Will and I liked her, she was hot and wrote cool stuff, and our group isn't the same without her. So I decided we would, like, pull a Veronica March and do a search and subdue."  
\- Search and rescue, Kirsch." Said the small brown-haired girl. 'And it's Veronica Mars." She looked back at Perry. 'I had peeked at her phone and seen your name on the screen when she was texting you and smiling. Which is like, uber weird and rare for her. So we came to the conclusion that we should talk to you. We hesitated for a while and tried to contact Carmilla again ourselves, but it was a bust. So you're our only chance to get her back and know what happened."  
\- Maybe you should just leave her alone?" Said Perry. 'Her grades have never been better, and she'll finish her master's degree with the greatest distinction."  
\- "It's not like us to leave a bro alone when something bad happened. Which, by the way, we don't know about. What happened between you two? Was there, like, a girl fight?"  
\- How should I know? We haven't talked since I had that car accident... I think Carmilla was angry at me after that." There was a short silence. It was Mattie who broke it.  
\- "Do you remember what you said to her?  
\- "Something about the fact that I simply was her TA, and us not being actual friends. She wanted to come to the hospital to make sure I was alright. What?" She added after seeing Mattie slightly smile. The girl turned around and look at the unlikely group of friends.  
\- "Well, it seems clear to me now. Our Carmilla is a little sap,' she laughed, 'and had quite the crush on Mrs Perry here. When she was told that they weren't even friends, she was heartbroken and, logical response, drowned herself in work and studies to forget about it.  
\- "Carmilla didn't have a crush on me."  
\- "Of course she did, miss. We all could see it. She was most likely hoping that her feelings were mutual, which they, seemingly, weren't."  
\- "How would you know?" Perry said that a bit louder than she wanted. Mattie paused, then her smile got wider.  
\- "Surprise, the master loves her student. Well, then, let's get to work. Let's get you two together again, and I sure hope you'll say the right things to her. She needs you just like she needs us, so she can be happy. And tut, no refusal now. Laura, Will, devise a plan so Carm can't run away. We'll take Perry to where she works in between her shifts. Kirsch, we'll need some of your bros to move the instruments into Danny's van. Danny, you'll drive there and place the instruments on the stage while Carmilla and Perry talk in the backroom. As for me, I believe I just got us our first gig..."

~~~~~~~~~~

The week-end came, and everything was ready. Perry couldn't remember having been more tense. She had tried to find the right things to say all Friday, but nothing seemed good enough. 'I'm sorry' was to easy, and 'I like you' didn't begin to explain it. Then Danny started driving and there was no turning back anymore.

When they got there, Mattie grabbed Perry by the shoulders, reminded her to not say a word about the concert, and pushed her in the backroom, closing and locking the door. Carmilla was washing the dishes, and the big machine covered the sound. Perry stood there, like a (terribly realistically) trapped animal, her stomach sunk, and her whole body was like stone.  
Carmilla must have felt a presence. She turned around, only to freeze as well when she recognised the familiar ginger curls, the clear eyes above the soft, slight worried frown, and the position of her hands in front of her. She bought herself to talk.  
\- "What are you doing here?" the tone was cold, but shaky. Perry hesitated. 'Who told you I was working here? What do you want?" she looked around and went to the door, only to find it locked. Another was blocked behind a really big shelf, and the last one was behind Perry. 'Is this some kind of sick joke? Why are we stuck together?"  
\- "Carmilla..." Perry began, only to be cut short.  
\- "Don't you use that tone with me, alright? What are you going to say? That you're proud of me for having such great notes? That I'm the Pride of the university? That I'm promised to an even greater future than my mother? Hell, I'd trade all that to have a chance at something else than what a dull existence I'm promised to. So don't try to make me feel good. After all, we're not friends, right?" She turned around, and focused on the dishes that needed to be taken out and put back in the shelves. Perry still couldn't move.  
\- "When I had the incident..." she was cut short again.  
\- "You were shaken. I wanted to see you. I was worried sick. You shut me out in the worst way possible. I know what you'll say. You didn't want me to worry. Well I was, alright. Who else did you call that day? Who came to pick you up? Who made you feel safe? Not me, that was for sure. And don't try to make it pass as good sentiments. You just didn't want me around because you had better people, who could take better care of you. I get it. Just leave me alone." Time seemed to have stopped. Camilla had let her facade down. Perry couldn't see her but she could hear tears in her voice.  
\- "I didn't call anyone else."  
\- "What?"  
\- "You were my first instinct. I needed to hear your voice. Then I thought how selfish it was of me to ruin your day with bad news. You probably never considered me a friend, so why was I on the phone with you? I decided it would be better to hang up and stop tricking myself into thinking we had something special."  
\- "But we did! The only reason I started caring about my grades is because I wanted to see how your face lit up every time I brought you a test I had passed with a good grade. I decided to never go back to my friend's studying sessions anymore because I just wanted to spend time with you. I was planning on asking you out to this very place the day you called me about the accident. I changed and became a better person because, as weird as it may seem, I liked you and wanted to see how happy I could make you. And when you told me that there was nothing between us, I was heartbroken!" Carmilla had turned around, and tears were prickling in her eyes. 'I changed for you and you shut me out!"  
\- "I never... Carmilla, I never meant to hurt you!"  
\- "Well, you did. Can you just leave me alone? I have work to do."  
\- "No."  
\- "I beg your pardon?"  
\- "No, I won't leave you alone. Yes, I messed up. And of course I cared about you more than I would care about a simple student. Can't you see our greatest mistake was not having talked about this? So I'm staying. I'm not going to mess it up again. I like you a lot, Carmilla, and I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. And since we're here tonight, let me take you out."  
\- "So you can leave me again?"  
\- "No! You're so used to being let down by people. Not with me. We had a deal, you're not leaving 'till we're done, remember? Well, we're not done. We're so not done. And yes, it might take time before we're friends again, and even more for us to go back to what we had, but I'm not giving up.  
\- "Don't you dare decide where you and I stand on your own. It's something you and I need to agree upon!" Perry could feel the anger from across the room. She started having flashbacks. The boyfriend of one of a friend of hers on the phone with his girlfriend, the anger in his voice, him shouting 'we're not done yet! You are mine!" through the receiver, another car in front of them. Perry screaming at him to watch out, but it was too late. Then the hospital. She got off alright, with minor fractures and cuts. The others didn't. Her friend died. The other driver and his wife were in a coma. She started shaking, and having trouble breathing. She tried to lean on the door, after all it was only a few steps behind her, but her body wasn't responding. She lost her balance and stumbled a little, before fully falling. She braced for the shock but it never came. She couldn't really see around her. She couldn't really breathe. Someone was holding her. In a short, raspy breath, she recognised her perfume. Someone had caught her and laid her almost down, her head resting on two legs, a calm voice repeating her over and over to breathe, that it was okay, that it was over and that she wasn't alone. Slowly, the room reappeared. Carmilla was holding her hand, still repeating soothing words, while her other hand was caressing Perry's face. She sat up and looked at Carmilla.  
\- "I never thought the first time we would hold hands was because I had had a panic attack." both let out a tense laugh.  
\- "Was it because of that car accident?"  
\- "Yes."  
\- "Do you want to talk about it?"  
\- "Not yet, if that's okay with you."  
\- "Alright. I'm sorry I got angry."  
\- "You couldn't know."  
\- "Right." An awkward silence settled in. After some minutes, Perry spoke up.  
\- "I am going to say something. It might take some time, but I don't want you cutting me off. Okay?" Carmilla sighed, but nodded her head. 'I have a crush on you. Like, a big one. I started to since the first day we talked, and it only grew bigger. You make me feel special, something I never have. And I want to be around you. What just happened to me, how you managed to help me and calm me down... I never thought it was possible. I'm not saying I want us to be together right now. I'm just asking for some time, and talks. Maybe if we try to calmly work through what happened and why it didn't work out, we can be together some day. Is this okay with you?" Carmilla took some time before answering.  
\- "Maybe I'm a sap, or a hopeless romantic, or whatever. I do want to take a chance on you. But we both are into each other. I still want to ask you out, and being 'just friends' would probably make it awkward. So how about this : we go on a date tonight. We talk a little. We enjoy food and bond. And then, I we feel like it, we decide whether we want to make this dating thing a habit. But as you said earlier, we start tonight. Alright?" Perry couldn't be happier. She didn't mess it up!  
\- "Alright."  
\- "Okay so now how about we figure out how to open this door?"  
\- "Call Mattie. She's the one who locked it."  
\- "What?"  
\- "You have great friends, Carmilla. They're the reason I'm here tonight." Carmilla sighed and made a call. The door opened slightly later, immediately followed by music. Pop songs followed one another, and then Carmilla got up and asked her friends to stop. She sat down at the piano, and breathed out.  
\- "Remember how I promised you I'd play you some classical piece on the piano? Well here it is.

It didn't take Perry long for her to figure out it was Für Elise. A love song on the piano. She felt Carmilla's emotions pour across the room. When it was over, she got up and they hugged. It was the best night of her life.

~~~~~~~~~~

Their dating became a habit. They went to restaurants or bars, talked a lot, Perry opened up about the car accident and Carmilla was there to hold her hand and keep her grounded. They had their first kiss on a week-end vacation they took in the mountains, while Carmilla was pointing the stars and naming constellations. Carmilla had finished university by then, and left her house. The band was ever-growing, they had named it Silas, and whenever she could Carmilla drove to Perry.  
She had found a job as a university teacher in another state, and they bought a place there together. Carmilla was the first to say 'I love you', which surprised everyone except Mattie, under the mistletoe at a Christmas feast. Perry managed to whisper hers through the tears, while they kissed as kirsch popped a champagne bottle (and spilled most of it). Carmilla had a family of friends, and Perry had her side.  
She couldn't have been happier were it a fairytale.


End file.
